I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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