hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
