I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize