Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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