Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
