Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
