i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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