the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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