I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
