Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
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Do I have a choice?
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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