I just pynch a tree in the face
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
