But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
