So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
