It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
