my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
