I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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