K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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