Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
