mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
