Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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