YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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