Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
