Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
