You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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