I'm gonna have a badass scar
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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