Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
