It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
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