all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
