We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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