so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
