So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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