just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
