We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
