in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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