he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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