Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
