After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
