So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
