Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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