He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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