I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
