Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
