We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
