I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What a dumb baby whore.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize