i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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