I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
