Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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