he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
