we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
