Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
