ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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