I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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