dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
