I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
