You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
