Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
