Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize