I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my poor anus
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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