Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
we're so committed to being not committed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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