So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
