Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
