I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
