That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
