I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
