Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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