I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I AM VODKA MAN
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
