And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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