I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
