it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
