I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize