Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
