yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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