Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
