Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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