hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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