Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I love you.
Bad choice
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
