Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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