My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
did i walk over a car last night?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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