my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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