My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
